Commentary

Monday Night Football was on with the Washington Redskins pouring it on as I watched intently while my wife continued to go through labor pains. Toward the end of the game, we would find out that she would need a C-section, and before the end of the fourth quarter, she was wheeled into the operating /delivery room for the delivery of our second child, a wonderful son.

We had done all of the prep work suggested by all of the books and doctors to prepare for this second child. The nursery was ready at home. The first child, our daughter, was prepared for brother coming home.

Then after bringing the child home, we went through all of the prescribed "check ups" and did all of the right things to make sure he had the best start. He had the right toys to stimulate him intellectually. The day care was chosen with agonizing care.

All of these things done in the beginning days of my son, though, to set a firm foundation, were rocked when not as much care was given to keeping the family together and a divorce resulted. During pregnancy and after the birth of a child there are a million things done to ensure that a child has the best possibility for a strong healthy life.

Statistics now are beginning to show that, for a child to grow up to be emotionally strong and have the highest possibility for success, just as much as the early doctor visits and prenatal care are critical, a stable home life not rocked by divorce is critical. Children describe the loss of contact with a parent as the primary negative aspect of divorce." 1

With most divorces, the mother gains custody of the children .Meanwhile, society is just now beginning to recognize on a widespread basis what children have known all along--; father-absence is one of the most destructive forces to children in our society. As has been noted "[f]ather-absence is the greatest social problem we face."2

Most statistics reveal that one out of every two marriages will end in divorce. Second and third marriages have even higher rates of divorce or disaster. Therefore, as a couple is beginning to make their plans to bring their new child into the world, just as critical as finding the right pediatrician, the right day care and decorating the nursery correctly, is a couple putting safeguards on their marriage that will ensure that the new child will grow up in a home surrounded by love.

As a father of that boy who was born over fourteen years ago during Monday Night football, if I could do one thing over to help my son, it would be to have worked more on my marriage to possibly have prevented the divorce that would shatter our family. We have provided many things for my son but have failed to provide one of the things that possibly could have helped him the most …a home not fractured by divorce which would have allowed him to experience the love of a mother and a father .

Research has proven that even though - yes - there is still love, but once the home is fractured there is a rippling effect with numerous consequences. As you begin the journey of a new parent remember the importance of the home life on the newborn as well as the other critical aspects that one "normally" considers in the care of a baby.


[1]1 J Kelly. Assoc. of Family and Conciliation Courts, California Chapter Mtg, Sonoma, CA, Jan. 1991.
[1]2 D. Blankenhorn. Fatherless America. (New York: BasicBooks, 1995), Title page.